Making Heero Human: Behind the Scenes
by Cherry Blossom
Summary: Read the series? See the bloopers!! And watch out for yaoi moments and the angry mob. (Chapter 2 is UP)
1. Default Chapter

Cherry Blossom: Hellooo minna!

Angry Mob: Grrrrrrr….

Melpomene: Back off muchachas!! I know karate!

Angry Mob: RAWR!!!

Melpomene: Er…you deal with them, Cher.

Cherry Blossom: Okay! Here's the deal! You may have noticed that I've been absent from the FF.net community for some time now. 

Duo: You also haven't written anything in months.

Cherry Blossom: …I believe that's what I was getting at.

Duo: Sorry. Go ahead.

Cherry Blossom: *ahem* I have determined that this is due mostly to an illness I like to call TMA syndrome.

Matteo: In layman's terms, Too Much Angst Syndrome.

Cherry Blossom: Right. So in order to combat that, here's something we can all laugh about.

Duo: And it isn't Heero's fashion sense!

Heero: ::glares:: Omeo o—

Melpomene: Korosu. Yes, we know. It's been done. Can we move on now?

Heero: Grrr…

Cherry Blossom: Anyway, I now present to you Making Heero Human: Behind the Scenes!!

Disclaimer: If I owned Gundam Wing I would have enough money to buy a decent word processor. Since I am presently typing this on the word processor from HELL this scenario is very improbable.

Warnings: Shounen ai!! Shounen ai shounen ai shounen ai shounen ai shounen aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!! Have I made it clear to you people yet? MALE/MALE RELATIONSHIPS!!!! HOMOSEXUALS!!!! Got it? Good. So don't flame me because of it.

Making Heero Human: Behind the Scenes

Chapter One

__

Safehouse Scene –Take 1

Duo: This is it? This place is a dump!

Wufei: Says the guy that lived on L2 for most of his life…

Director: CUT! That is NOT your line Wufei.

Wufei: Sorry.

Duo: No he's not.

*******

__

Safehouse Scene -Take 2

Duo: This is it?

Quatre: ::previously staring at Trowa:: Wha—huh? No…yes…I'm sorry, what was the question?

Director: CUT!

Wufei: Take a picture, it lasts longer.

Duo: ::collapses into giggles::

*******

__

Safehouse Scene – Take 3

Duo: This is it? ::looking up at the house, frowning::

Quatre: ::setting his bag down:: It's not that bad, Duo. At least this place has electricity…I think."

Trowa: ::tries to pick up Quatre's bag:: Ungh! What the hell have you got in here, Cat? Rocks?

Quatre: ::blushes:: Just some basic necessities.

Trowa: Like what?

Quatre: ::whispers in Trowa's ear::

Trowa: ::blushes:: ….oh.

Director: CUT! Look would you just say the lines?

Quatre: Sorry.

Director: And YOU— ::points at Duo:: STOP LAUGHING.

Duo: *snort* Yes…hehehe…sir. 

*******

__

Safehouse Scene – Take 4

Duo: ::laughing to hard to say the line::

Director: CUT CUT!!!! This is hopeless! Everybody take five!

Duo: ::still laughing::

Trowa: It wasn't _that_ funny.

*******

__

Bedroom Scene – Take 5

Wufei: Hey! There's only 3 rooms up here!

Quatre: I guess some of us will have to share. ::smiles at Trowa seductively::

Trowa: ::leers back::

Duo: Would you two give it a rest already.

Quatre: You're just jealous 'cause you aren't getting any.

Duo: I'll have you know that me and Hee-chan have a very fulfilling sex life! Why, just last night we—

Heero: ::mortified:: DUO!

Director: …why me? CUT!

*******

__

Bedroom Scene – Take 6

Duo: I choose this room! 

Heero: Fine. 

Duo: Uh…you realize that this is a single bed, don't you Heero?

Heero: Yes. Is there a problem?

Duo: No siree! ::jumps on top of the boy::

Heero: Mmmph!

Director: God, can you not control yourself for ten minutes? CUT!

*******

__

Bedroom Scene – Take 7

Duo: Uh…you realize that this is a single bed, don't you Heero?

Heero: Yes. Is there a problem?

Duo: ::blushes:: Well…that means we'll have to share…

Heero: That is not necessary. I will sleep in the chair.

Duo: You can't sleep in the chair!

Heero: Why?

Duo: Because then we won't be able to have sex—uh…oops? Sorry, man.

Director: ::slowly pulling out his hair::

*******

__

Bedroom Scene – Take 8

Duo: Uh…you realize that this is a single bed, don't you Heero?

Heero: Yes. Is there a problem?

Duo: ::blushes:: Well…that means we'll have to share…

Heero: That is not necessary. I will sleep in the chair.

Duo: You can't sleep in the chair!

Heero: Why?

Duo: Well…er…because….because it will be cold and you'll catch pneumonia and then you won't be any use to us on our mission!

Heero: ::pause::

Duo: ::stare::

Heero: ::blinks::

Duo: ::stare::

Heero: …I forgot my line.

Director: AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!

*******

Chapter Two

__

Closet Scene – Take 1

Heero: ::unpacking:: 

Duo: Hey Heero, I'm just about done! What about you…uh…Heero?

Heero: ::pulling another dress from his bag and hanging it on a hanger:: Yes?

Duo: ….you actually wear those?

Heero: Why? Do you think this skirt makes me look fat?

Director: I'm not even gonna ask…

*******

__

Closet Scene – Take 2

Duo: Uh…Heero?

Heero: ::pauses in sliding yet another green tank-top onto a hanger to glare at

Duo:: What?

Duo: ……I forget.

Director: CUT! Duo, your line is "what do you wear in the winter" okay? Let's try it again! And….action!

*******

__

Closet Scene – Take 3

Duo: Uh…Heero?

Heero: What?

Duo: Who does your hair in the winter?

Heero: Salon Selectives. Why?

Duo: You could use a touch-up on the highlights.

Director: CUT DAMMIT!! 

Duo: Sorry.

Director: I'm not talking to you anymore.

*******

__

Closet Scene – Take 4

Duo: Uh…Heero?

Heero: What?

Duo: What do you….

Director: ::mouthing:: 'wear in the winter'

Duo: ::squints:: wear…in the…winter?

Director: ::beams::

Heero: Absolutely nothing.

Duo: Really? Can I see?

Director: OUT OF MY SIGHT!! BOTH OF YOU!!

Duo: …does this mean I can take a cappuccino break? 

Director: OUT!!!!

*******

__

a while later

Heero: ::wanders into the room:: Duo? We're supposed to be on the set soon for the dinner scene…

::noises come from the closet::

Heero: ::approaches cautiously:: Duo? ::opens the door:: Is that you—AHH!

Duo: ::pulls him into the closet by his tank top:: Hello lover. ::grins::

Heero: Duo! What are you doing in this closet?

Duo: The question you _should_ be asking…is what are _we_ doing in this closet. ::pulls Heero closer::

Heero: What do you….oh…

Duo: Mmmm.

*******

__

five minutes later

Wufei: ::stalks into the room:: Kisama! Why was _I_ picked to go search for Yuy and Maxwell?! The last living member of the Dragon Clan should not be playing errand boy. It is a grand injustice and I—

::noises from the closet::

Wufei: What the… ::slowly swings the door open:: Urk! ::slams it shut and runs away, trying to stop the blood that is dripping out of his nose:: 

Heero: ::raises his head from Duo's lap:: Did you hear something?

Duo: Nope. Now keep going, God dammit, or I won't spank you later.

Heero: Yessir!

*******

__

three minutes later in Quatre's dressing room 

Wufei: ::bursts through the door, two wads of tissue stuffed up his nose:: Dishonder! I hab neber seen such disgraceful acts in by endire life—ACK! ::faints::

Trowa: ::raises his head from Quatre's lap:: What's wrong with him?

Quatre: Who cares…keep going…

Trowa: Yes, love.

Wufei: X . x …..

*******

Chapter 3

__

Laptop Scene – Take 1

Heero: ::sits staring at the screen of his laptop. He bites his lip and moves his hand over the mouse:: Almost…careful now… ::clicks the mouse:: 

The tiny gray blocks on the screen suddenly disappear and the yellow smiley face at the top displays two X's where eyes should have been.

Heero: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! ::bangs his head against the desk:: 

Duo: Lose at Minesweeper again?

Heero: Shut up.

*******

__

Laptop Scene – Take 2

Heero: ::typing on his laptop:: ……

*click…clickety-click…click….click…*

Computer: You've got mail!

Heero: Hn. ::clicks to open it::

Computer: ::the screen turns blue::

Three things are certain: 

death, taxes, and lost data.

Guess which has occurred.

Heero: ::growls:: Duo…

Duo: ::snickers::

*******

__

Laptop Scene – Take 3

Heero: ::typing on his laptop:: ……

*click…clickety-click…click….click…*

Computer: You've got mail!

Heero: Hn. ::clicks to open it::

Computer: ::the screen turns blue::

ABORTED effort:

Close all that you have.

You ask way too much.

Heero: Dammit, Duo! 

Duo: ::hiding in the closet:: Heeheehee…

*******

Laptop Scene – Take 4 

Computer: ::the screen turns blue::

Having been erased,

the document you're seeking

must now be retyped.

Heero: When I get my hands on you Duo…..OMEO O KOROSU!! 

*******

Laptop Scene – Take 5 

Computer: ::the screen turns blue::

Yesterday it worked.

Today it is not working.

Windows is like that.

Heero: ARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!! ::shoots the laptop::

*******

outside in the hanger 

Duo: ::in Deathscythe:: Heh heh…I wish I could see Yuy's face when he finds out I tampered with his laptop again. But I have a feeling that he'd shoot me if I showed up about now. I'll just stay here until Heero's calmed down a bit, 'kay ol' buddy? You'd never let me down, would ya Deathscythe? That's a pal. ::types into the controls::

Counsel: ::the screen turns blue::

Chaos reigns within.

Reflect, repent, and reboot.

Order shall return.

Duo: What the….HEEEEEEEROOOOOOOO!!!!

Heero: ::snickers outside the hanger door::

*******

To Be Continued…

Cherry Blossom: I feel much better now.

Angry Mob: WE WANT THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!

Cherry Blossom: ::winces:: Uh…working on it? Pinky swear?

Angry Mob: ARRRRRRRGH!!! ::chase after Cherry Blossom::

Duo: Think we should help her out?

Heero: Nah. Let's go get a milkshake.

Duo: You buying?

Heero: Cheapskate.

Duo: Hey, I'm broke, that's all!

Heero: You spent all your money at the arcade again?

Duo: …yeah well…I really needed to break that score…

Heero: Baka.

Matteo: Review!

Melpomene: Send us bloopers! 

Matteo: …uh…right! Bye!

Cherry Blossom: ::runs by:: 

Angry Mob: ARRRRRRRRGH!!!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: If I owned Gundam Wing I would have enough money to buy a decent word processor. Since I am presently typing this on the word processor from HELL this scenario is very improbable.

Warnings: Shounen ai!! Shounen ai shounen ai shounen ai shounen ai shounen aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!! Have I made it clear to you people yet? MALE/MALE RELATIONSHIPS!!!! HOMOSEXUALS!!!! Got it? Good. So don't flame me because of it.

Making Heero Human: Behind the Scenes

Chapter 5

Clothes Scene – Take 1 

Heero: What exactly am I supposed to wear until my clothes are dry?"

Duo: Well…you could always borrow one of my outfits. I'm about your size. Here, I'll find something for you to wear. ::pulls out a clown outfit, complete with floppy shoes and puffy multicoloured pants::

Heero: ::sweatdrops:: You can't be serious.

Duo: ::scratches his head:: Now how'd this get in here?

Trowa: Hey! I've been looking for that!

Director: CUT!

*******

Clothes Scene – Take 2 

Heero: What exactly am I supposed to wear until my clothes are dry?

Duo: Well…you could always borrow one of my outfits. I'm about your size. Here, I'll find something for you to wear. 

Quatre: I recommend a pink shirt and a purple vest. And khakis. 

Director: What the…Quatre you're not supposed to be in this shot!

Quatre: Oops! Sorry.

Director: ::groans:: Cut.

*******

Clothes Scene – Take 3 

Heero: What exactly am I supposed to wear until my clothes are dry?

Duo: Well…you could always borrow one of my outfits. I'm about your size. Here, I'll find something for you to wear. ::pulls out a rubber cat-suit:: 

Heero: O.o o.O O.O

Duo: Uh…you weren't supposed to see that until tonight.

Heero: Happy Birthday to me!

Director: CUT DAMMIT!

*******

Clothes Scene – Take 4 

Heero: What exactly am I supposed to wear until my clothes are dry?

Duo: Well you could just walk around naked like Wufei does.

Wufei: I DO NOT!!!

Quatre: Oh shut up 'Fei, we've all seen you in the buff when you think we're not home. Remember the last time we got home from the mission early and—

Wufei: ::hefts katana:: Shut up or you're skewered Winner.

Director: We're never going to get through this scene are we?

*******

Clothes Scene – Take 5 

Heero: What exactly am I supposed to wear until my clothes are dry?

Duo: I don't know but since we've have to do this take so many times I've forgotten my lines.

Director: ::swearing::

*******

Breakfast – Take 1 

Wufei: Dammit Maxwell! The name is Wu-FEI. NOT Wuffie! And I wouldn't touch your collation with a ten-foot pole.

Trowa: Coalition.

Wufei: What?

Trowa: The word is coalition. Not collation.

Director: Let's try it again.

*******

Breakfast – Take 2 

Wufei: I wouldn't touch your collision with a—

Trowa/Duo: Coalition!

Wufei: That too.

Director: One more time.

*******

Breakfast – Take 3 

Wufei: I wouldn't touch your consolidation—

Everybody: _Coalition!!_

Wufei: Whatever. I still wouldn't touch it with a ten-foot pole.

Director: This is going to be a long day.

*******

Wufei: ::practicing:: Coalition. Coalition. Coalition. Coalition. 

Quatre: Do you think he'll get it this time?

Duo: I doubt it.

Trowa: Who's taking bets?

Heero: I'll take two against. 

Wufei: You know I can hear you perfectly over there!

*******

Breakfast – Take 4 

Director: Okay Wufei, are you ready? This has to be the absolute last take 'cause we're running out of film.

Wufei: *psyched up* Coalition. Coalition. Coalition. Yeah I'm ready!

Director: Great! Annnnd…..action!

Duo: Too bad, Heero. I'll just give Wuffie your share.

Wufei: Coalition!

Other pilots: ::burst into giggles::

Director: Grrrrr…..let's just use the first take. Nobody will notice anyway.

*******
Breakfast: Scene 2 – Take 1 

Wufei: Yuy isn't human. You're fooling yourself if you think he's going to change just because of a few practical jokes.

Quatre: I don't know. Heero's got a good heart even if he doesn't show it often. Sometimes even the strongest walls will crack if enough pressure is put upon them.

Duo: Wow Quatre! That was really deep.

Quatre: Did you like it? I read it in a fortune cookie once.

Director: Confucius says CUT.

*******
Breakfast: Scene 2 – Take 2 

Quatre: I have a bad feeling about all this.

Heero: Trust the force Luke!

Quatre: O.o

Heero: What? Duo's made me watch those old space movies so many times I've got the whole thing memorized.

Duo: Impressive. Very impressive.

Director: Cut. And I quit. Again.

*******

Chapter 6

Bedroom – Take 1 

Duo: Aw don't be like that Hee-chan. This is my room too ya know.

Heero: Hn.

Duo: Besides, it's such a nice day out. Why don't you come on a picnic with me?

Heero: Hn.

Duo: It would be fun! There's a lake down by the park. I'll bring my bathing suit…" 

Heero: Hn.

Duo: And you can bring your thong…

Heero: The red one or the blue?

Duo: Blue. It brings out your eyes.

Director: Could we PLEASE stick to the script?

Heero: Sorry.

*******

Bedroom – Take 2 

Duo: Could us a bit of music to lighten things up. ::puts a cd in the stereo and pushes play::

*loud polka music*

Duo: Who put that in there?

*******

Bedroom – Take 3 

Duo: Could us a bit of music to lighten things up. ::puts a cd in the stereo and pushes play::

__

IF YOU LIKE PINA COLADAS…AND GETTING CAUGHT IN THE RAIN!!!

Duo: What the…

Heero: ::snickers::

*******

Bedroom – Take 4 

Duo: Could us a bit of music to lighten things up. ::puts a cd in the stereo and pushes play::

__

HIT ME BABY ONE MORE TIME!!!

Duo: All right. Who the hell has been messing around with the God of Death's music collection?!!

Heero: ::clutching his stomach and laughing uncontrollably:: 

Quatre: Uh…Heero? You're not supposed to lose it in a laughing fit until Chapter 13.

Director: I give up.

*******

Bedroom – Take 5 

Heero: ::shoots at the stereo and misses completely:: Smeg.

Duo: Way to go Tex.

Heero: Shut. Up.

*******

Bedroom – Take 6 

Heero: ::shoots at the stereo and it blows up, frying his eyebrows:: X . x ….

Director: Hey, who taped explosives to the back of the stereo?

Wufei: ::snickering::

*******

Bedroom – Take 7 

Heero: ::aims at the stereo and pulls the trigger. A little white flag with the word BANG on it pops out of the gun:: Whoever did this….OMEO O KOROSU!!!

Duo: ::creeps out of the room trying not to laugh::

*******

Chapter 7 Battlefield – Take 1 

Duo: What are you saying Wufei? You think this was a decoy? 

Wufei: Well duh.

Director: Script!

Wufei: Sorry.

*******

Battlefield – Take 2 

Duo: What are you saying Wufei? You think this was a decoy? 

Wufei: Actually I think it's a ploy by OZ used to divert our attention away from what they're actually trying to do.

Duo: That's the same thing!

Wufei: Well so it is. Funny, huh.

*******

Battlefield – Take 3 

Duo: What are you saying Wufei? You think this was a decoy? 

Wufei: That's exactly what I think. If I'm right, then all the troops that were supposed to be in this area have conveyed to Heero's sector.

Director: Converged.

Wufei: What?

Director: It's _converged_, not conveyed. 

Wufei: Dammit, why do I get all the hard words?

Duo: Weren't you supposed to be a scholar before you piloted Gundams 'Fei?

Trowa: They never said he was a _good_ scholar.

Wufei: Shaddup.

*******

Battlefield – Take 4 

Heero: No…that voice!

Mysterious voice: Sssurrender to the dark ssside of the force Heero!

Director: Cut!

*******

Battlefield – Take 5 

Heero: Monster! Who are you?!

Mysterious Voice: Heero…I am your father…

Heero: No! That's impossible! Zero, why didn't you tell me?

Duo: ::cracking up::

Director: That's it! You guys aren't allowed to watch Star Wars anymore on set!

*******

Battlefield – Take 6 

Duo: Heero! Can you hear me? Answer me, dammit! ::punches transmitter::

BOOM! 

Heero: Baka! That was the self-destruct button.

Quatre: Oh dear.

Trowa: Medic!

Duo: X . x ….

*******

Battlefield – Take 7 

Duo: Heero? Are you okay?

Heero: Duo?

Duo: Heero!

Heero: Duo!

Duo: Heero!

Quatre: John!

Trowa: Marsha!

Director: Shaddup!

*******

Battlefield – Take 8 

Duo: I hear ya Q. Let's get out of here. This mission was a bomb. Get it? Bomb? Aheh heh heh…

Wufei: Who writes this crap?

Cherry Blossom: Hey! Watch it or you're going to be Relena's bodyguard in the next chapter.

Wufei: …..

*******

Battlefield – Take 9 

Heero: ::draws his beam cannon and prepares to fire:: 

*click*

Heero: Damn! I knew I should have recharged this thing last night.

Duo: Uh oh…

BOOM! 

Trowa: Medic!


End file.
